My husband doesn't read my blog. In fact he agrees with a lot of people that most blogs are inappropriate sharing of private issues. This got me to thinking that perhaps he is right, but I'm not sure? After all don't I post so that others might see that they are normal? Don't I read other blogs and also see that I am human and normal?
Most people when ask the question "how are you"? Answer the same way "fine", or "ok". Even when they are obviously not. I'm not saying we need to open our souls to everyone we meet but maybe being honest sometimes wouldn't be such a bad thing. Telling someone that you are not having a great day or that you are going though something important, sharing might make us all feel better!
I have had several recent posts about the state of my life right now. It is to be honest in complete flux and a bit of a mess. I spent some time traveling alone and learned a lot about my self, not all of it did I like. I have been sharing. Mostly because as a yoga teacher and mother and prenatal educator and all the other things I do people think I must be the happiest person in the world and nothing bad ever happens to me. I used to think that way until I took a good look at myself, I and they were wrong. This is not to say that I won't be that perfectly contented person again, it's just going to take a little bit of work. I don't mind sharing the process along the way.
My current "career" as a day care provider has been extremely challenging lately. I've had a lot of physical pain from it and it has been emotionally draining. This is over 8 hours of my day being not thrilled. This daily work, of course will spill into other areas of my life. It is not where I envisioned myself being nor where I want to be for the next 5 - 10 years but I am working through it and planning for my future. I have goals that I have no doubt I will fulfill and as a result I will know and like myself better.
My life as a mother is not always what I had thought it would or should be. Some of you read my post where I locked myself in my car and ate chips and cried. Not my most proud moment but sometimes we do what we have to in order to cope. My brother and I were raised in a very quiet home. We are six years apart which meant that as little kids we didn't have a lot in common, we had a lot of alone time and quiet play. I thought that all homes were like that, until I had my own family. We have three loud, boisterous, comfortable in their own skin kids. They fight, they laugh, they play and they need me for what seems ALL the time. This means that I have little time for myself. Little time to know who I am, to find out what my true nature is, little time for me. I am told that this will come one day but now is not the time. I am working through this and finding the time, making the time! It is not always easy but it is necessary. For me to be a good mother I need to be good to myself.
Our marriage is less than perfect. I did not get married thinking that it would be perfect all the time but I can dream can't I. I think all couples go through periods in their life where they feel disconnected. Especially with all of the above things going on it is easy to lose touch with each other. How do you work through that? With three children a house and everything that comes with it all, it can be hard. As with yoga, it starts with you. I don't think a person can be happy in a relationship if they are not happy with themselves. My marriage is not perfect, I doubt it ever will be perfect but it is a relationship that I will have for the rest of my life. If we are married or not, we have three children that tie us together for ever. We can either chose to work through the difficult times or give up - either way we will always be a part of each others lives. I am working on the relationship with myself and my husband in order to find the other side. Finding that contentment that happiness, in me and then hopefully in us. I've mentioned to a few friends that we have lost our way lately and most of them either have or are going through the same thing. Most have suggestions or ask for advice. We are and this too is normal!
So to blog or not to blog - I guess that is the big question. To share personal information or not. To be and show that I am normal. I do not live the perfect life, I am not the perfect mother and I do not have the perfect marriage. Wow I am just like everyone else. I honestly believe that if most people shared even a little bit of what they were feeling, we would all feel better. Will I say I am fine the next time somebody asks me how I am, maybe? At least I know that I am working through as much as I can in order to provide a truthful answer.
Jennifer is an RMT, long time yoga practitioner and teacher. Follow her musings as an RMT, yoga teacher, prenatal educator and mother of three.